CLIFF: "It was two days before Christmas, what, maybe ten years ago or some shit like that. All I remembers was that it was ungodly hot. Really steaming up the place, making you sweat and piss like nobody's business. I was chugging down beers like two, three at a time. Sweating like a fucking hog too.
So anyways, there I am on my porch, sitting on my lawnchair. I'm just minding my own damn business, waiting for the broad across the street to come out and do some gardening so I can stare at that candy-apple ass she's got. Her husband's some kind of prick though, he's like a lawyer or some shit like that. The little dickhead comes by the gas station one time and paid for 10 bucks of gas with a freaking 100 dollar bill. Like he's all important or something. I hate pricks like him. Back during the Korean War, when I was platooned at the 43rd Naval Fueling Station, I would've shoved my combat boot so far up the jerk's ass he would be tasting the dog shit I stepped on for weeks.
Where was I? Oh yeah, it was real fucking hot. So there I am, just sitting around and BAM, some Ford comes crashing into my mailbox. I'm like "What the FUCK?" and I get up and grab my bat to cave in the punk's face. But the door opens, and it's the hot broad from across the street! I reached over to 'help' her out of the car (and maybe grab a piece of ass) and she gives me this look like "Cliff, you fucking stud, I want to jump your 74-year old bones right here, right now" so I unzip my fly and let my shrived penis jump out. Next thing I know, she's screaming and her weasly little lawyer husband is running out of the house. He comes at me, I kinda step out of the way, and he trips over his own clumsy ass feet and falls on his face! I start laughing so hard I shit myself, the broad runs off into her house, and the Chinaman down the street calls the cops on me. Funniest fucking thing ever."
LOWTAX: "What does this have to do with Christmas, Cliff?"
CLIFF: "Shut the fuck up."
THE END, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
the site is www.somthingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou
basicly the site is run by this old cranky man named cliff, and ppl send pics of themselves to cliff and he post them on his site and makes fun of all of them! there is som 232 pages full of funnny comments and crazy pics.